Relationship, Love & Attachments

You can survive without a relationship. As we are complete by ourselves hence relationship doesn't matter. But when you have decided to get mingle then quality of relationship is directly proportional to quality of life. The purpose for relationship should be happiness and bringing best your partner. If you look at a normal relationship, people are trying to somehow make themselves happy. We try finding happiness by making friends, getting married, having children, or starting your own business – you do everything – because somewhere you believe this will bring you happiness. Eg. My partner should do these set of activities then I'll be happy. You built your relationship in pursuit of happiness. Or in other words, somewhere you are trying to squeeze some happiness out of your partner. Once you do this, relationships will be a constant trouble. You cannot leave it nor live with it. When there is no sense of joy or happiness within you, you try to extract it from somebody, and that person is trying to extract it from you. This gives birth to volcanos and tornadoes. 

All relationships in your life have come up as you have certain needs – physical, mental, emotional, social, financial and so on. You try to establish a certain type of relationship to fulfill whatever kind of need you have. If that need is ceases to be fulfilled, then that relationship fades. You may have thousands of reasons to Love but if that reasons gets shaky in later stage of life than there will be tremors leading to and earthquake. Love unconditionally without reason with a notion to keep your partner happy with possible resources you have is the key.

If you try to extract joy out of somebody, after sometime you find that relationship if it doesn't yield the same results as it use to yield in the beginning. Some bitterness will begin. Relationship will work if relationship are based on expression of joy and not extraction joy. If your relationship is about taking joy out of somebody, no matter how beautifully you manage, there will be frictions. If your relationship is about giving your fullest without expectations, then everything will be wonderful, joyful and blissful.

Relationships are meant to be enhance our life. We are trying to bridge the gaps in your lives with relationship. It's not about you, it's about us. Cliché?, yes but in a clarified manner. You help your partner grow individually and it is a human tendency that once you see your partner giving their atmost love and affection they try to reciprocate. This creates a long-term bonds between the two. It is like a tree; you water me and I water you, hence we both grow. 

Another dilemma in the minds of people in relationship is " is this love or just an attachment " this self doubt should always arise when you are in a relationship. The very simple way to differentiate love & affection is that love leads to freedom or liberation and attachments leads to fear or sufferings. Eg. When your partner is planning to go on a vacation with their parents or friends, you usually stop them as a tendency of protective mind (or you may doubt what if your partner might cheat on you then that's a different story, if this fear thrive in you then love has no place. What's not yours shall anyways won't you yours.) This will stop the development of the partner and opportunities to learn from their own mistakes or gain new experiences of life. We assume it is love but that's attachments. Such attachments stop the growth and development of a relationship. In a relationship, you can always slip into the field of attachments if you are not aware of your actions. Hence, the next cliché "Unconditional love" comes to the picture. Here is where your partner and you grow as an individual. And you will have lots of stories and experiences to express about. 

Who in the world will have an issues if you try to share your joy? If you finding ways of extracting joy out of your partner then there is question of sustainability. For this you must become joyful by your own nature. If you are joyful, you will definitely express your joyfulness. You need to look inward to be a source of joyfulness and blissfulness. The more you have, the more you can share your joy. 

I was at Bhramakumari session. They shared this wonderful message by deep explanation. It was, "As we create new relationships, we give certain people an access to our inner world of emotions by sharing with them our deepest thoughts and feelings. When they also reciprocate and share with us their inner world, we treasure the relationship. A meaningful connection starts building. But as we grow fond of each other, love gets mixed with attachment. Attachment is an unsettling emotion – it can be a source of great happiness but it can also create deep wounds. Pure love means inclusiveness of the other person to bring joy to both. When there is love we take good care, give people the space they need and do not fear to lose them. But when there is attachment, the relationship becomes exclusive or self-centered - whenever they get upset, we create hurt. When their behavior changes, we create hurt. When we fear to lose them, we create hurt. And we believe – I love them but they hurt me. Love cannot hurt and people cannot hurt. Our attachment in the name of love towards them creates our hurt.

Love for anyone - parent, spouse, child, sibling or a friend is a space we move into. A conscious awareness is needed to understand that such love, care and closeness, takes us closer to hurt when there is attachment. When we stop identifying with labels of relationships and see everyone as pure souls, we experience love without attachment. Let us subtly examine our close relationships to check if we love them or have become emotionally attached."

Expression of love or language of love or any feeling between two is an extension of this topic. I'll post that on blog too if my readers are interested.